What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 00:28
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
What are mean nicknames to call my sister? She is always so mean to me.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
How do schizophrenia symptoms change throughout the day?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Ive learnt so much.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Geothermal Energy Has A New, 163-Gigawatt Message For Fossil Fuels - CleanTechnica
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
AI Plays, MercadoLibre Lead Five Stocks Near Buy Points - Investor's Business Daily
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Who then, do I blame.?
How can I be okay with being ugly? What is the bright side?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I said to her
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
How do I identify fake friends in life?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What is the difference between anxiety and depressive neurosis?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She married twice! .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Why would a girl not want you to know she has a crush on you?
What did i know ?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Especially a lifetime of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was very sick at this time too.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
When she asked me how she looked .
So, i spoilt her more .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I write beautiful poetry .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But ive been too sick for many years..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
It was going to be , some day.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im still living with it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But, we were locked up after school.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She was in good health!
All the time i was locked up.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I never cut or harmed myself..
One cannot live in the past .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We all went to grammer schools
I waited trembling.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He knew the spot.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She found it foreign!.
Would this be the day?
(And it was in our own minds.)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I don,t even have a pension.
This is soul school!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She loved him until the end.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My life is so biszare .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We were not on the streets..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I was seconnd youngest,
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As i do to all so called friends.?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was scared of men, in general
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Put me off passion for life!!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I will be 64.
My family never makes their pension either.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Comes on , in middle age.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But it wasn’t much.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And i lived it daily.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was 9 years of age.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So whats the point in blame.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I have no regrets .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I think the readers, may guess!